Welcome to back to Beating Vegas. We got a great set up picks lined up for you this week. There’s underdogs, overdogs, locks, and laughs. We’ll live, we’ll love, we’ll pick against Jaguars. So let’s take a look at week 9, and LETS WIN SOME MONEY!
CHARGERS -7.5 over Chiefs
I finally won a Thursday night game! Huzzah! Unfortunately Brady Quinn was not able to start for the Chiefs this week after giving up two turnovers and getting a concussion last week. Hey Brady, how’s your career going?
BENGALS +4 over Broncos
It took me half the season, but I finally learned my lesson. Don’t pick against a home dog unless you have a good reason. The crappy Bronco’s defense and Payton Manning’s injured thumb is not a good reason.
Ravens -3.5 over BROWNS
Did I say something about learning a lesson? No seriously didn’t it have to go with underdogs at home? Ah I can’t remember. The Browns may have looked competent last week, but that was only Brown’s competent (AKA scoring only seven points). That may be good enough to beat the Chargers, but not real football teams.
Cardinals +11.5 over PACKERS
Am I making a big mistake taking the Cardinals? Maybe Most definitely, but I got burned taking that Packers with too many points last week. If Blaine Gabbert and the failure Brigade can cover the spread then Larry Fitzgerald sure as hell can.
Bears -3.5 over TITANS
No seriously guys I was sure I had some theory about home underdogs. While it’s true the Bears offense sucks, the Titans defense is even worse; like 29th in pass defense and 29th in run defense worse. Factor in the inevitable defensive touchdown for the bears and they should be giving way more than three and half to the lowly Titans.
Dolphins -1.5 over COLTS
The showdown between the two 4-3 teams that everyone thought would suck. Both teams have a rookie quarterbacks and benefited from a soft schedule. Make no mistake though; the Dolphins are actually half decent. The Colts on the other hand are actually terrible. They can’t run the ball, they can’t stop anyone, and they lost to Jets by 24. The 2012 Jets!
REDSKINS -3 over Panthers
MWAHAHA. What do you think of your precious RGIII now Washington? Not so great when his receivers are dropping basically all of his passes! I’m not sure why this line is so low. Maybe Vegas thinks Cam Newton would be extra motivated going against RGIII. I don’t think that Cam suffers from a lack of motivation; I think he suffers from an overabundance of Ron Rivera coaching.
Lions -4 over Blaine Gabbert and the Failure Brigade®
I’m gonna be honest. At this point I don’t even look at who the Jags are playing or what the line is. They could be getting 15 points against the Utah Jazz and I’d still pick against them. I mean some of those Jazz players probably played football in high school. I don’t know if you can say them same for Jacksonville.
TEXANS -10 over Bills
There’s only two ways this game is going to play out. 1. After a hard bought game the Bills lose on a last second field goal (in the traditional devastating fashion Bills fans have known for years). 2. The Bills come out and get absolutely waxed from beginning to end. Given the fact that the Texans have two stud running backs and the bills are dead last in running defense, I’m taking option #2. By the third quarter we may need to bring in some U.N. peacekeepers to stop it.
Buccaneers +1 over RAIDERS
You read that right ladies and Gentlemen! The Raiders are giving points. Why, you may ask. Well I’ll tell you why, any team that beats the Jags (in overtime) and the Chiefs in back to back weeks is a football Juggernaut! Talk about your impressive victories.
SEAHAWKS -4 over Vikings
Everyone knows you don’t go against the hawks in their nest. You just don’t do it!
Steelers +3.5 over GIANTS
What’s been quietly missed by many is that the Giants offense has not looked good the last two weeks. Also quietly missed? I continue to successfully pick against the Giants each week in attempt to reverse jinx them.
Also can we talk about this poll?
44% of the nation would rather hang out with a multiple times accused rapist over poor Elisha! How is that possible!? A day with Eli and you get to play with all his cool action figures and army guys.
Cowboys -4 over FALCONS
The Falcons have to be due for a loss at this point right?
Eagles +3 over SAINTS
As a Giants fan I’m rooting for the Eagles to pull this one out. I don’t want to live in a word where my team doesn’t play against Andy Reid twice a year. I know we joke about him now, but I’m going to miss the walrus when he’s gone.