Welcome back to another exciting week of Beating Vegas. I know a lot people out there are happy that the regular referees have come back. Well dear readers, I am not one of them. I loved the scab refs. The 27 yards penalties, the ridiculous pass interferences, the 3 day conferences to determine whether there was intentional grounding, I loved it all. There are some of us that like order, predictability, and reason in their sports. Personally, I want chaos. The scab refs weren’t just a train wreck; they were a train driving directly into a fireworks factory. Let me tell you, it was beautiful. That type of incompetence isn’t something you can find every day, unless you work in Congress. So here’s to you scab refs! And now without any further ado…..LET’S WIN SOME MONEY!
RAVENS -11 over Browns
See I’m not cheating on my Thursday picks. They are just as ill thought out and wrong as all my Sunday ones. Actually, I was thinking of taking the Browns in this game but then I had a vision of “Old Man” Weeden throwing an interception for a touchdown, and changed my mind. While Weeden did throw a pick six the Browns covered anyway. Even when I’m right I’m wrong.
FALCONS -7 over Panthers
This seems like a give me bet. The Panthers look and play like a high school team. Meanwhile the Falcons are well on their way to winning 14 games this year before being summarily beaten in the second round of the playoffs.
Patriots – 4 over BILLS
Buffalo usually plays the Patriots tough in Ralph Wilson Stadium, but then again the Bills usually have running backs. With the loss of Spiller now the Bills are going to have to rely on Tashard Choice. As a third stringer you might say he wasn’t their …..first choice. HA you see what I did there!? That was pretty punny.
LIONS -4 over Vikings
This is a sell high situation. Everyone is impressed the Vikes beat the Niners last week. Let’s not forget before that they lost to the Colts and went to overtime with Blaine Gabbert and the failure Brigade (Now the official name of the Jaguars).
Charger even over CHIEFS
The first pick um game of the year! SO EXCITING. I hate both these teams so it’s kind of tough, but at one point last week Chiefs were losing by 15 to the Saints. That’s not a good look K.C., even if you did pull it out.
Seahawks -2.5 over RAMS
Last Monday night Mike Turico said Seattle QB Russell Wilson has “off the charts intangibles.” I am not joking, he actually said that. His immeasurable traits were way beyond the charts we use to measure such traits. Meanwhile Sam Bradford’s intangibles are totally chartable. What a loser.
49ers -3.5 over JETS
I will never get tired of Mark Sanchez throwing interceptions. It makes my Sundays.
TEXANS -12 over Titans
I was flipping channels on the radio the other day and I hear one of those political talking heads say “not many people know this, but the battle of Gettysburg was really a draw.” Mind you this was said with a deep southern accent. Here now is a list of other famous draws:
The entire Civil War = a tie.
WWII = photo finish.
Mama Cass v. Ham Sandwich = undecided.
Dinosaurs v. Asteroid* = too close to call.
*I stupidly laid the point on the Dinosaurs.
DENVER -7 over Oakland
Payton Manning does not look like his old self. I don’t even know if he’s going to get through this season. On the other hand I watch that Raiders/Steelers game last week and Oakland has absolutely no secondary. I think the old war horse can pull this out at home.
CARDINALS -5.5 over Dolphins
So last week I hype up my fantasy running back Reggie Bush, and he proceeded to get injured on a play to end the half that should never have happened. (THANKS JOE PHILBIN!) This week they’re going against the Cards and the only thing I can think of that’s worse than taking Kevin Kolb as a favorite is taking Ryan Tannehill on the road. If the Cards can get to six points in this game they’ll cover.
Bengals -1 over JAGUARS ***ERIE CANAL LOCK OF THE WEEK
OH BUDDY! Get down to the bank and get out that second mortgage. Get as much cash as you possibly can and head to your bookie Money may not grow on trees but this is just as good! The Bengals are the good team no one is talking about, and my main man Blaine Gabbert and the Failure Brigade ® are easy pickins!
Saints +9 over PACKERS
What? You think I’m crazy taking New Orleans? Did you know despite all of the Saints sucking they haven’t lost a game by more than 8? I’m expecting Drew Brees and Co. to go down early, and rally back with meaningless touchdowns well after the outcome is decided to cover the spread. Crazy like a crazy fox I am!
Redskins +3 over BUCS
While both these teams suck I kind of like RGIII. Much more than Josh Freeman, that’s for sure. Washington, I hope you enjoy him for the next three weeks he stays healthy.
Giants +2 over EAGLES
The Eagles have to be one of the worst 2 -1 teams ever. Is Michael Vick throwing these games? He’s certainly not throwing touchdowns.
DALLAS -3 over Bears
These teams are strikingly similar. Talented and highly criticized QBs, terrible offensive lines, solid defenses anchored by an elite pass rusher. I don’t see a lot of differences between the two teams, so I’m going with the home team.
Last Week: 11 – 5
This Season 23 – 22 – 3*
Over .500! WOO WOO!