Hey there loyal readers. I hope you’ve finally recovered from celebrating the New Year, because we have some football to talk about. The playoffs are finally here! This is a bitter sweet moment for me. On the bright side we are no longer subjected to Raiders and Cardinals games. Unfortunately, the playoffs mean no more Jets and Jaguars jokes. Before we get started let me put to some fears to rest. The playoff edition of Beating Vegas is going to be as juvenile and poorly researched as it was in the regular season. Now, let’s get down to it and LET’S WIN SOME MONEY!
TEXANS -3.5 over Bengals
I’m going to start the New Year out right and take this money Vegas seems to be just giving away. I haven’t checked, but is this the Cincinnati Bengals in the playoffs? Like the team that wears those stupid orange-striped uniforms and a ginger quarterback? Yeah if they’re the Bengals I’m thinking of they got no short. But maybe I’m wrong. A pack of actual Indian tigers seem to have a good shot against Houston 3-4 defense, especially after they ate Wade Phillips in the second quarter.
PACKERS -7.5 over Vikings
When it comes to the playoffs there’s a rule that you never take the underdog unless you actually believe they can win the game. I just can’t see Christian Ponder winning a road playoff game. I don’t know how much Minnesota is paying him but it’s too much. They can pay me to hand off to Adrian Peterson for about $10/hr. It may not seem like a lot but it’s about double a Florida State grad can expect to make.
RAVENS -6.5 over Colts
Don’t get too excited Ravens fans; you’re team is still a terrible fraud. I just don’t trust Andrew Luck. He’s already looking a lot like Brett Favre out there. Ed Reed get ready because I think some poorly thrown passes are headed your way.
REDSKINS +3 over Seahawks
I can’t decide if I want the Redskins to lose in the first round or blow it tragically in the Super Bowl. I never realized how obnoxious Skins fans could be but maybe that’s because they never had reason to be. Anyway I’m always going to take the home team giving points. Gambling rules I mention two paragraphs ago be damned!